By the main character Shuzuki, who decided to follow her dream and become a writer in order to have her true love. She dropped everything for 2 months, a prime time in her education as she was taking exams in order to enter high school, in order to just write. I have never been so brave with my writing, to give up everything for a period of time in order to just write. At this point in time I am not financially stable enough to completely drop everything but I have decided that by the end of August I will finish the raw copy of my first novel. In a years time I will completely finsih it and attempt to have it published.
WHOOO that's scary, my heart is pounding a mile a minute but I am also excited. I think having my blog-journal will help with this. When I am feeling frustrated with my words, or I have writer's block I'll be able to just ramble here.....and if anyone is reading feel free to comment, greatly appreciated.
word of the day(i know it's been awhile, my job had me working crazy hours)
altruism: selflessness; generosity; devotion to the interests of others.
sentence: Her altruistic actions to advertise the food drive to the student body resulted in its success.
spanish word of the day:
la escritora = the writer(feminine)
publicar = to publish
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Woke up this morning and considered dropping everything and moving away
To where, I am not sure? I always wanted to go to New Orleans but it would probably be even harder to find a job out there then in New York. Perhaps Florida, which would give me a chance to build my bar-tending skills. It would definitely open up my writing topics. Just me, my wallet, my clothes, my cell, and my guitar on a bus to Florida. I think a train would be better, more comfortable than a bus, but a bus may allow for more interesting characters. Ever see a movie called It happened one night? Check it out. It's a black and white film with Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert. It's a romantic comedy, but it keeps your attention if you like a good story with laughs. They meet on a bus, then hitch-hike the rest of the way to New York because the bus leaves them. Two strangers who got to know each other and then fell in love. It's like Forces of Nature with Ben Affleck and Sandra Bullock which is a pretty good movie looking at it from exploring different personalities even though the leads were played by mediocre actors.
Money is kind of tight, and it seems it may be tight for awhile so perhaps i'll just take a year off and travel across the US. I always wanted to, and since I am in such a financial rut and may not be able to return to college i might as well!!! (hands fly in air sarcastically)
The farthest west I have ever gone was San Antonio, Texas which was just a hotter, less sky scraper filled New York. I want to see the plains of West (if there are any left) and a real cowboy. I want to face a new adversity, I'm sick of batteling commuters for train seats, students for scholarships, applicants for jobs, customers for Rewards. I want something new. I need something new. I feel so repetitive. There's got to be something to expand my horizons. I always just talk perhaps I'll do. I'll just go. I'll start making a plan tomorrow, I have the day off. I'm really excited.
You have to take big risks to get big rewards right?
Right.
word of the day:aloof: uninvolved; standing off; keeping one's distance.
sentence: Jane was very aloof at the party, because she was too shy to join the crowd.
spanish word/verb of the day:
el marco = picture frame
hacer = to take (a picture/photocopy)
Money is kind of tight, and it seems it may be tight for awhile so perhaps i'll just take a year off and travel across the US. I always wanted to, and since I am in such a financial rut and may not be able to return to college i might as well!!! (hands fly in air sarcastically)
The farthest west I have ever gone was San Antonio, Texas which was just a hotter, less sky scraper filled New York. I want to see the plains of West (if there are any left) and a real cowboy. I want to face a new adversity, I'm sick of batteling commuters for train seats, students for scholarships, applicants for jobs, customers for Rewards. I want something new. I need something new. I feel so repetitive. There's got to be something to expand my horizons. I always just talk perhaps I'll do. I'll just go. I'll start making a plan tomorrow, I have the day off. I'm really excited.
You have to take big risks to get big rewards right?
Right.
word of the day:aloof: uninvolved; standing off; keeping one's distance.
sentence: Jane was very aloof at the party, because she was too shy to join the crowd.
spanish word/verb of the day:
el marco = picture frame
hacer = to take (a picture/photocopy)
Monday, May 31, 2010
Memorial Day no longer for Remebering
But it's the mark of the beginning of summer, or a big sale day, or the end of a large sale weekend. When did society become so insensitive? It used to be about remembering fallen soldiers and the sacrifices of veterans now it's about what retail store I can find the best deals in or who is throwing the barbecue with the best food! I'm not trying to sound self righteous I am just thinking out loud because I am committed of the same crime. When I think of Memorial Day I think of the beach....I love the beach and I wish I had been there today. Instead I spent my day in my sister's apartment with my cousins and my mom playing rock band and tekken 4 while helping her cook food on the grill. It was a pleasant way to spend the day. I am appreciative that even in a big ass building of cement cubicles surrounded by acrid smelling urban air there are luxuries such as grilled food available. It makes my annoyance with life bearable.
back to my original topic...why is it that we have let these humane aspects of our societal practices drift away? Have we become such a cold society, that we can only focus on getting ahead instead of the people who surround us. It is such a taboo to ask personal questions of people. I think I watch too many old movies, I'm a bit of a Turner Classic Movies junkie, where people would just start conversations at a bar, in a restaurant, waiting for a train. You got to meet people then, have pleasant conversations and call it a day. Now it's always what do they want, what will the consequences of this conversation be, how does this help me? Have we really become so jaded or is it just a city mentality? I don't like feeling that way. I like meeting people, having conversations with them, learning things they know, finding what they can teach me....but that's hard to do when people are so apprehensive about having conversations with strangers. You can talk to people without the chance of being murdered, you just have to think before you speak. Having an extended vocabulary can probably help with that...which leads into my next topic.
I am going to start a word of the day series, putting up the new word of the day for the next day at night (since I always forget in the morning):
alloy: a combination of two or more things, usually metals; a mixture of two things usually with the implication the aggregate in less than the sum of the parts.
sentence: Brass is an alloy of copper and zinc, since it is a combination of the two.
I also have a Spanish word and verb of the day(i'm trying to learn Sspanish over the summer)
la estanteria = the bookcase
leer = to read
Speaking of expanding skills I played my guitar two days ago, when I had some extra time before work. I learned the notes on the E string: E=open frets, F=closed 1st fret, and G=closed 3rd fret. I am on my way!! Soon I'll be playing whole songs (hopefully). If there is anyone out there in the New York area who teaches guitar for an inexpensive price and would like a student contact me!!
back to my original topic...why is it that we have let these humane aspects of our societal practices drift away? Have we become such a cold society, that we can only focus on getting ahead instead of the people who surround us. It is such a taboo to ask personal questions of people. I think I watch too many old movies, I'm a bit of a Turner Classic Movies junkie, where people would just start conversations at a bar, in a restaurant, waiting for a train. You got to meet people then, have pleasant conversations and call it a day. Now it's always what do they want, what will the consequences of this conversation be, how does this help me? Have we really become so jaded or is it just a city mentality? I don't like feeling that way. I like meeting people, having conversations with them, learning things they know, finding what they can teach me....but that's hard to do when people are so apprehensive about having conversations with strangers. You can talk to people without the chance of being murdered, you just have to think before you speak. Having an extended vocabulary can probably help with that...which leads into my next topic.
I am going to start a word of the day series, putting up the new word of the day for the next day at night (since I always forget in the morning):
alloy: a combination of two or more things, usually metals; a mixture of two things usually with the implication the aggregate in less than the sum of the parts.
sentence: Brass is an alloy of copper and zinc, since it is a combination of the two.
I also have a Spanish word and verb of the day(i'm trying to learn Sspanish over the summer)
la estanteria = the bookcase
leer = to read
Speaking of expanding skills I played my guitar two days ago, when I had some extra time before work. I learned the notes on the E string: E=open frets, F=closed 1st fret, and G=closed 3rd fret. I am on my way!! Soon I'll be playing whole songs (hopefully). If there is anyone out there in the New York area who teaches guitar for an inexpensive price and would like a student contact me!!
Friday, May 7, 2010
Coasting
I have failed a class and my future at my present university is looking dim. My new future may reside in a one of my state's universities-which will be less expensive and increase my chances of getting a scholarship-but I miss my university! I bleed blue and white....if any of you out there know what that means. My tear ducts have exhausted all their resources, I am at a lost of words, and have half way completed an application for my potential new university. My mother and I said that I was being reactive and pro-active at the same time.
This whole situation makes me laugh because it reminds me of short stories I read in the English class that inspired me to write this blog: Babylon Revisited by F. Scott Fitzgerald and The Snows of Kimanjero by Ernest Hemingway. In each of these stories the main character made terrible mistakes that had resounding consequences that they could not amend. In Babylon, the main character Charlie was a drunk and caused the death of his wife by locking her out of their house in the snow with only a slip on, thus losing custody of his daughter to his wife's sister. In Kimanjero, the main character Harry wasted his writing talent by not using it and just living a pompous life provided by his rich wife. I wrote a blog for my class entitled: You fucked up, and now your life sucks-conveniently that is exactly what happened to me.
I am coasting through my grades and life, believing everything will be fine, even when I take actions that I know will not equate to that solution. I let everything just happen, always thinking it'll be ok, coasting through all my activities....and then complain when it doesn't end the way I want it to. I fucked up and now my life sucks.....because of coasting.
Coasting is o.k. when you are rolling with your peoples in a car with not much to do, bumping to some old school music, but not when you fuck up your life. I will create a new life plan tomorrow.
This whole situation makes me laugh because it reminds me of short stories I read in the English class that inspired me to write this blog: Babylon Revisited by F. Scott Fitzgerald and The Snows of Kimanjero by Ernest Hemingway. In each of these stories the main character made terrible mistakes that had resounding consequences that they could not amend. In Babylon, the main character Charlie was a drunk and caused the death of his wife by locking her out of their house in the snow with only a slip on, thus losing custody of his daughter to his wife's sister. In Kimanjero, the main character Harry wasted his writing talent by not using it and just living a pompous life provided by his rich wife. I wrote a blog for my class entitled: You fucked up, and now your life sucks-conveniently that is exactly what happened to me.
I am coasting through my grades and life, believing everything will be fine, even when I take actions that I know will not equate to that solution. I let everything just happen, always thinking it'll be ok, coasting through all my activities....and then complain when it doesn't end the way I want it to. I fucked up and now my life sucks.....because of coasting.
Coasting is o.k. when you are rolling with your peoples in a car with not much to do, bumping to some old school music, but not when you fuck up your life. I will create a new life plan tomorrow.
Monday, May 3, 2010
2 Am Chocolate Milk session
So I just came back from work (yes JUST came back from work) at let us call it POS- Plethora Of Shoes-where people seem to always find ways to stuff the wrong shoes, in the wrong boxes and place them, nicely, in the wrong section. WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it impossible to put things back where you found them? Did we not all learn this lesson when we were children? Put it back where you found it....so simple, simple lesson. You see something, glance at it, lose interest PUT IT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't drift around the store, when you know you have no intention of buying the shoes-stop kidding yourself-thus creating a larger job for my coworkers and I at 11:00 @ night to put all the shoes back where they came from!! This is a big fucking store, are you serious? I have only been working here for a month, do you actually expect me to remember where every display shoe is, where every sandal is located after you drag them across the sales floor, through clearance, left at clearance, for me to find it later on that evening with only one shoe in the box because the other one is located in the isle where the shoe belongs!!! Really though??
Simple lesson that you learn when you're 5.....put shit back where it belongs DAMN!!!
Like my grandfather says....Everything has a place, and there is a place for everything.
Everyday, this job just tells me that retail is not for me career wise. As a part time job, while I survive school sure.....for the rest of my life NO WAY!!! At least I don't work on commission.....then my life would really suck, because when people walk into POS they think they know everything. They know where everything is, they got this. Then they find me later asking me where the heels are even though they are right in front of their faces. HOT MESS!!!!!
Then to top it all off it's finals week at my university and I have been pulling all nighters for the past four days studying, finishing assignments, that I should feel accomplished, but don't because part of the reason I had to is because I am a procrastinator. I always wait to the last minute, and it always bites me in the ass to infinity, and I still do it......I don't get it. Another lesson you learn from infancy......Learn from your mistakes!!!
As a baby you burn your hand on fire, you learn never to touch the pretty red thing again. You hit your teens, you fuck up in school via procrastination..........you keep fucking up in school via procrastination in many different forms. Shaking my head at my own stupidity.
On the train ride home I wrote a poem, tired nonsense that came to my head:
Lewis Carrol wrote nonsense, so why can't I?
Jaberwocky was just a momentary cry of insanity,
from a mind that was under the influence.
Some of the greatest works comes from those a little off their rocker,
van Gogh cut off his ear and now has masterpieces in museums,
I mean would Lucy have flown with diamonds
if Paul and John had been sober?
I-M-A-G-I-N-E
I've never been high,
but I've always wanted to try;
just to see what would happen.
I wonder if I'll go mad or
be ingeniously inspired.
Will I get angry with a past offense or
cry at my own loneliness?
Will my sexual prowess reveal herself or
will I fall into myself, deeper than before?
I think of the last couplet, I prefer the latter-
it may bring about a profound understanding of myself or
at least a more interesting subject.
Perhaps I won't feel anything at all.
I'll make sure I have a pad nearby to tell you. ©
What do you think??
I think I'm too tired to think anything.....I hate finals week!!!
But the only thing I hate more is POS!!!! (hahaha)
Is it impossible to put things back where you found them? Did we not all learn this lesson when we were children? Put it back where you found it....so simple, simple lesson. You see something, glance at it, lose interest PUT IT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't drift around the store, when you know you have no intention of buying the shoes-stop kidding yourself-thus creating a larger job for my coworkers and I at 11:00 @ night to put all the shoes back where they came from!! This is a big fucking store, are you serious? I have only been working here for a month, do you actually expect me to remember where every display shoe is, where every sandal is located after you drag them across the sales floor, through clearance, left at clearance, for me to find it later on that evening with only one shoe in the box because the other one is located in the isle where the shoe belongs!!! Really though??
Simple lesson that you learn when you're 5.....put shit back where it belongs DAMN!!!
Like my grandfather says....Everything has a place, and there is a place for everything.
Everyday, this job just tells me that retail is not for me career wise. As a part time job, while I survive school sure.....for the rest of my life NO WAY!!! At least I don't work on commission.....then my life would really suck, because when people walk into POS they think they know everything. They know where everything is, they got this. Then they find me later asking me where the heels are even though they are right in front of their faces. HOT MESS!!!!!
Then to top it all off it's finals week at my university and I have been pulling all nighters for the past four days studying, finishing assignments, that I should feel accomplished, but don't because part of the reason I had to is because I am a procrastinator. I always wait to the last minute, and it always bites me in the ass to infinity, and I still do it......I don't get it. Another lesson you learn from infancy......Learn from your mistakes!!!
As a baby you burn your hand on fire, you learn never to touch the pretty red thing again. You hit your teens, you fuck up in school via procrastination..........you keep fucking up in school via procrastination in many different forms. Shaking my head at my own stupidity.
On the train ride home I wrote a poem, tired nonsense that came to my head:
Lewis Carrol wrote nonsense, so why can't I?
Jaberwocky was just a momentary cry of insanity,
from a mind that was under the influence.
Some of the greatest works comes from those a little off their rocker,
van Gogh cut off his ear and now has masterpieces in museums,
I mean would Lucy have flown with diamonds
if Paul and John had been sober?
I-M-A-G-I-N-E
I've never been high,
but I've always wanted to try;
just to see what would happen.
I wonder if I'll go mad or
be ingeniously inspired.
Will I get angry with a past offense or
cry at my own loneliness?
Will my sexual prowess reveal herself or
will I fall into myself, deeper than before?
I think of the last couplet, I prefer the latter-
it may bring about a profound understanding of myself or
at least a more interesting subject.
Perhaps I won't feel anything at all.
I'll make sure I have a pad nearby to tell you. ©
What do you think??
I think I'm too tired to think anything.....I hate finals week!!!
But the only thing I hate more is POS!!!! (hahaha)
I am existing.....not living
I had to create a blog for my English class at my university this past semester. As a class we created blogs via the school system, and it placed an itch in me. I have never been one for journals. I have had thousands, but they never amounted to much. I think it was the actual aspect of writing in the book, I'm more of a typing girl. I like my computer....I like Microsoft Word.
So I got an itch from this whole blog thing I began in my English class and decided to begin my own.
I don't know if any one will read it, and that is not the focal point. The point of this blog is for me to release anything that is on my mind, to stave off my potential insanity.
I live in a metropolis, that is slowly losing its flavor and I have found myself wondering what the hell am i doing with my life?
I work in a shoe store, where millions of women (and some men) walk in to make purchases that they probably shouldn't. Many of them are tourists, and they ask me questions that at times I don't have answers for because I don't know what they are saying!
I am battling lupus, which is attacking my kidneys in order to be able to go to the beach without fearing my lupus will flair up and I'll end up back in the hospital.
And I am helplessly lost in this thing we call life. I am existing....not living and this blog is an attempt to change that.
The title of my blog is an ode to Alanis Morrissette's song Hand in my Pocket, which at the moment defines my life.
Specifically these lines:
What it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm shy but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby
And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
(I don't actually play the piano.....but I intend to learn)
So I got an itch from this whole blog thing I began in my English class and decided to begin my own.
I don't know if any one will read it, and that is not the focal point. The point of this blog is for me to release anything that is on my mind, to stave off my potential insanity.
I live in a metropolis, that is slowly losing its flavor and I have found myself wondering what the hell am i doing with my life?
I work in a shoe store, where millions of women (and some men) walk in to make purchases that they probably shouldn't. Many of them are tourists, and they ask me questions that at times I don't have answers for because I don't know what they are saying!
I am battling lupus, which is attacking my kidneys in order to be able to go to the beach without fearing my lupus will flair up and I'll end up back in the hospital.
And I am helplessly lost in this thing we call life. I am existing....not living and this blog is an attempt to change that.
The title of my blog is an ode to Alanis Morrissette's song Hand in my Pocket, which at the moment defines my life.
Specifically these lines:
What it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm shy but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby
And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
(I don't actually play the piano.....but I intend to learn)
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