I am existing.....not living

I had to create a blog for my English class at my university this past semester. As a class we created blogs via the school system, and it placed an itch in me. I have never been one for journals. I have had thousands, but they never amounted to much. I think it was the actual aspect of writing in the book, I'm more of a typing girl. I like my computer....I like Microsoft Word.

So I got an itch from this whole blog thing I began in my English class and decided to begin my own.
I don't know if any one will read it, and that is not the focal point. The point of this blog is for me to release anything that is on my mind, to stave off my potential insanity.

I live in a metropolis, that is slowly losing its flavor and I have found myself wondering what the hell am i doing with my life?

I work in a shoe store, where millions of women (and some men) walk in to make purchases that they probably shouldn't. Many of them are tourists, and they ask me questions that at times I don't have answers for because I don't know what they are saying!

I am battling lupus, which is attacking my kidneys in order to be able to go to the beach without fearing my lupus will flair up and I'll end up back in the hospital.

And I am helplessly lost in this thing we call life. I am existing....not living and this blog is an attempt to change that.

The title of my blog is an ode to Alanis Morrissette's song Hand in my Pocket, which at the moment defines my life.

Specifically these lines:

What it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm shy but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano

(I don't actually play the piano.....but I intend to learn)